What is “#enmeshment ?”

 

Enmeshment is a description of a relationship between two or more people in which personal boundaries are permeable and unclear.  This often happens on an emotional level in which two people “feel” each other’s emotions, or when one person becomes emotionally escalated and the other family member does as well.  A good example of this is when a teenage daughter gets anxious and depressed and her mom, in turn, gets anxious and depressed.   When they are enmeshed the mom is not able to separate her emotional experience from that of her daughter even though they both may state that they have clear personal boundaries with each other.  Enmeshment between a parent and child will often result in over involvement in each other’s lives so that it makes it hard for the child to become developmentally independent and responsible for her choices. fulshear transition.com/enmeshment-symptoms-and-causes/ *

SIGNS OF ENMESHMENT

In enmeshed families, children may be brought up with the expectation that they will accede to their parents’ wishes and develop the same belief system and ideals. Some children may become a parent’s sole source of emotional support or become the vehicle through which a parent lives out their own unrealized dreams.

Most often, enmeshment occurs between a child and parent and may include the following signs:

  • Lack of appropriate privacy between parent and child
  • A child being “best friends” with a parent
  • A parent confiding secrets to a child
  • A parent telling one child that they are the favorite
  • One child receiving special privileges from a parent
  • A parent being overly involved in their child’s activities or achievements

Children affected by enmeshment may feel like they have to take care of the parent, rather than the other way around. People from enmeshed families may also feel guilty if they spend time away from their family members, and they may face pressure to remain physically close to home and to engage in typical family activities regularly instead of pursuing their own interests. Good Theraphy.org *

What if your #invited to dinner, but then told by another guest that you can’t attend?

Why were Sodom and Gomorrah destroyed?

Genesis 13:13 he people of Sodom were very evil and sinful against the Lord.

Click here for Chabad’s summary

selfish

The Sodomites were notorious for their wickedness. They had no consideration for the poor, nor for the passing stranger to whom they offered no hospitality; nor would they even sell him any food or water.  “Homosexual rape is the way in which they violate hospitality—not the essence of their transgression.  Look at Abraham’s hospitality to strangers   Chabad  * wikipedia.org//Sodom_and_Gomorrah#Jewish

Now this was the sin of Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy. They were haughty and did detestable things before me. Therefore I did away with them as you have seen. —Ezekiel 16:49-50

The nonsexual view focuses on the cultural importance of hospitality, which this biblical story shares with other ancient civilizations, such as Ancient Greece and Ancient Rome, where hospitality was of singular importance and strangers were under the protection of the gods.[55]   

This argument that the violence and threat of violence to foreign visitors is the true ethical downfall of Sodom (and not homosexuality), also observes the similarity between the Sodom and Gomorrah and the Battle of Gibeah Bible stories. … the homosexual aspect is generally seen as inconsequential, and the ethical downfall is understood to be the violence and threat of violence to foreigners by the mob.   Chabad  * wikipedia.org//Sodom_and_Gomorrah#Jewish

Fourth, there are 27 references outside of Genesis where Sodom is mentioned. It is emblematic of gross immorality, deepest depravity, and ultimate judgment.

Third, are we to believe that God annihilated two whole cities because they had bad manners, even granting that such manners were much more important then than now? There’s no textual evidence that inhospitality was a capital crime. However, homosexuality was punishable by death in Israel (Leviticus 18:22, 20:13). Does God ignore the capital crime, yet level two entire cities for a wrong that is not listed anywhere as a serious offense?

Mid-East’s high code of hospitality (Genesis 19:9lifeway.com/What-was-the-Sin-of-Sodom-and-Gomorrah

The destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah was NOT about homosexuality. It is a story about wantonness and dominance over others, about radical inhospitality (a grievous sin according the the bible we share), about malignant power used to reject God’s shalom. In fact, the Bible itself expressly describes the sin of Sodom elsewhere as radical inhospitality. Check-it, good ole  Ezekiel claims the real “guilt” of the Sodomites was the fact that, although they had “pride, excess of food, and prosperous ease,” they “did not aid the poor and needy” and were “haughty” (Ezekiel 16:49-50).  Pathos.com Judgement of Nations Mathew 25:31-46

G-d’s Judgement

Her cries pierced the heavens, and at that moment G‑d said, “I will go down and see if what they have done is as bad as the outcry that has reached Me.” Genesis 18:21; Yalkut Shimoni, Bereishit 83

One who says, “What is mine is mine, and what is yours is yours”—this is a median characteristic; others say that this is the character of Sodom. The every-man-for-himself attitude may seem harmless, but as these stories reveal, it will ultimately lead to true evil. While the cities of Sodom have long receded into the past, the mentality they epitomized is alive and well. Our job is to uproot and destroy this mindset wherever we can, replacing it with love and goodwill.   wikipedia.org/Sodom_and_Gomorrah  

Collection of #Meme ‘s on Toxic People mainly from Facebook

       
       
       
     
facebook.com/Monkey’s Opinion

 

Video – How to handle anger      

5 comments on “Toxic and Controlling People

    • There”s always a whiff of condescension involved in this. A patronizing “poor thing. out of the goodness of my heart I’ll….” It’s possible to read good intentions into it, but it’s a chilly good deed.

      : The person doing the throwing is in the superior/master position. And the second person is in the dog role. I guess it’s better to be tossed a bone than to be kicked. That’s one way of looking at it.
      https://www.phrases.org.uk/bulletin_board/8/messages/310.html

      • Keep in mind that the person who tries to act superior to you has a deep desire for acceptance and by you listening they may feel that acceptance. This acceptance can then sometimes minimize their tendency to try to make themselves feel superior to you. howtotalkwithconfidence.com/blog/how-to-deal-with-people-who-think-they-are-better-than-you/

      • If you have friends who think they are better than you, it can be easy to get caught in the trap of feeling inferior. These friends are most likely narcissists, and there’s a good chance that they are putting other people down to compensate for their own insecurities. Sometimes, the best thing you can do with friends like these is to sever your ties with them, but other times it is possible to repair the friendship. No matter how you proceed, it’s crucial that you don’t let them make you feel badly about yourself. https://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-Friends-Who-Think-They-Are-Better-Than-You

      • If your friend pushes you too far, it’s more than okay to walk away from the situation. You’re not completely committed to spending all your time with this person, and you need to know when to put your needs first. If they’re truly affecting your self-esteem, thank them for spending time with you and make your exit. It may be awkward in the moment, but it could save your friendship in the long run. https://www.sweetyhigh.com/read/dealing-with-friends-who-acts-superior-tips-032019

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