Blame – Whose Fault? Are you being scapegoated?
Five stages of dealing with grief
Denial, Anger — Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy. The person in question can be angry with himself, or with others, or at a higher power, and especially those who are close to them. Certain psychological responses of a person undergoing this phase would be: “Why me? It’s not fair!”; “How can this happen to me?”;
‘”Who is to blame?”; “Why would God let this happen?”
Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance (Wikipedia)
experts say experiencing these emotions is normal and healthy, “By denying you’re injured, you can exacerbate the injury,”, Injury Grief – Active.com
Anger. You feel rage at the unfairness of the injury. You may blame others, fate, or God for your disabilities. Physical Injury – AfterDeployment.Mil
Blame-shifting to avoid accepting responsibility has a very high price, for to successfully blame others is also to dis-empower yourself. Living Wisdom.com
Narcissists are notorious for placing blame on other people and not on themselves TheNarcissisticLife.com This article has so much, that it’s hard to just take out a few highlights… click on the link in the beginning of this sentence and read the entire article 1 or 2 pages. The narcissist will blame you for everything that isn’t right in their life, and blame you for what other people do, and blame you for whatever has happened As he thinks that someone must be guilty, he almost always attributes the blame to others You never know when you are going to be blamed for something you had no part in. If you are married to a narcissist and finally decide to leave the toxic situation, the narcissist will blame you for the failed marriage and bad parenting (they have no qualms about blatant lying) in order to “win” in court. Despite the battle that will ensue, the healthiest thing you can do is to avoid or significantly limit the exposure you have to the narcissist.
sometimes things just happen that are not really anyone’s fault ♦ Only accept responsibility for your part and not the blame for the whole thing ♦ Above everything else, love yourself and stop be so hard on yourself ♦ Make a list of all of the positive traits that you have and make the list long and detailed. ♦ Self-esteem ♦ Try only worrying about the bigger issues and letting the smaller issues go and learn when things can be fixed and when it is time to just let it go.
Learn and Move On
Mistakes happen every day to everyone and if we all just continued to blame ourselves all of the time instead of moving on, we would have a very sad and depressed world. Since the mistake has already happened there is nothing you can do and no amount of blame is going to change that. You can make your amends whether that is saying you are sorry, repaying someone or any other solution and you can learn from the mistake so you do not do it again. Let the past stay in the past and start living for the future HealthGuidance.org
Recognize when it’s not your fault. While some folks avoid blame, others apologize for everything, from their allergies to global warming to the Spanish Inquisition. Accepting blame for things over which we have no control is just as counterproductive as dodging the blame we deserve. It’s not surprising that many people take the blame when it doesn’t belong to them. We females, in particular, are often socialized to hold ourselves responsible for other people’s feelings and behavior, thinking that if we don’t take care of them physically and emotionally, their bad moods or reprehensible actions are our fault.
differentiating between things you can’t control and things you can. Oprah.com
Sometimes (and maybe quite often) we get blamed by others. When this happens, we may have fair responsibility, yet often we either have no responsibility or, at best, we share responsibility with others.
In such situations the person blaming us is taking the role of the authoritative parent, forcing responsibility on us whether we deserve it or not. Sometimes we fight back, but many people will give in and accept the blame. If this happens often enough, we can end up ‘punch-drunk’ and accept blame without even having others blame us. changing minds.org
Don’t Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering. The Four Agreements
Through our domestication we have also learned to take things personally. We assume that when someone has an opinion about us that their opinion is valid. Their opinion becomes our belief about our self. We end up having an emotional reaction to our own belief because we assumed their opinion it is true. We can also take personally our own opinions. We take personally our own self judgments. These self judgments are nothing more than an assumption. Over years the mind has developed many habits of making assumptions and taking them personally. The Four Agreements
the blamer frequently accuses us of intentions and actions that do not belong to us, and often belong to themselves. The great danger that projection presents when it comes from those close to us is it makes us feel like the bad person that the other person is relating to. The core of protecting ourselves from a blamer is establishing and continually supporting an impenetrable boundary between what we know about ourselves and what this other person needs to believe about us. While we can’t control what another person thinks about us or how they may distort our truth, we can most definitely control what we do with their thoughts. We can’t control whether another person will listen to or be interested in our truth, but we can control for how long and with how much energy we will attempt to correct their version of our truth. We can also control how and if we want to continue in a relationship with someone who chooses not to relate to who we actually are. In relating with a blamer, some important questions to contemplate are:
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You do not need to prove your innocence to anyone if you are indeed innocent. You already know in your heart that you have clean hands. This is all that matters. It is not necessary to prove to anyone that you are not guilty. Do not fuel the evil fire by giving these lies power.
They truly do not see their part in contributing to or primarily causing their own problems in life. Borderline HCPs frequently distort information, giving it an all-or-nothing spin, or jumping to conclusions, or personalizing things which really aren’t personal. psychology today.com/are-you-target-blame-borderline-personality
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